When to Show, When to Tell

Image by Bonnybbx via Pixabay

I have a problem. I am an opinionated fat head which means, anytime I try to show, not tell, in my manuscript, I end up going on some kind of tangent. 

I get the reasoning behind show not tell, you need to draw the reader in, let them feel what you feel, let them taste what you taste, but then I run into the problem of length. Anytime you try to show, not tell, your paragraph ends up so much longer than when it started. 

Eating pizza for example. Instead of saying:

"OMG! This pizza is freaking awesome," she said as she licked sauce off her chin, checking over her shoulder to make sure she was alone.  The pizza wasn't part of her new diet, but at that moment, she didn't care.

You're meant to draw the reader in right?

So you say...

The smell hit her first, the rich smokey barbecue scent, the slow cooked pork oozing garlic, chili and paprika onto the perfectly cooked dough base, the juices fusing with the grilled moist chicken and thinly sliced steak, the mushrooms and onions covered in golden cheese. 

Her food deprived stomach clenched, her head dizzy, almost delirious with hunger.

With her mouth watering, she crept into the kitchen, the pizza laying unguarded on the table, enticing her, calling her, tempting her. 

"Screw it," Tara practically pounced on the pizza, grabbing the largest piece she could find. 

An explosion of flavors erupted in her mouth, the cheese, the meat, the sauce, the mushrooms and onions...

"OMG! This pizza is freaking awesome," Tara said as she licked the smokey sauce off her chin. 

"Hey!"

Tara froze, and slowly turned, the evidence still dripping sauce down her arm. Her partner Rex stood in the doorway, a frown creasing his brow, a smile playing on his lips. 

"That's not diet food!" Rex laughed. 

Image by PublicDomainImages via Pixabay

Great, now I want pizza. That's not so strange though, I always want pizza. Anyway, back to the topic. 

You can see the difference right? Telling takes up one small paragraph, showing takes up 9!! 9!! If I do this throughout the manuscript, my book is going to be massive! It's already around the 90,000 mark.

So how do you decide what to show, and what to tell?

Well, I found a few rules, but one seemed to stick in my mind.

Show in significant scenes, or when you want the reader to remember something in particular, this is where you need them to be entranced, hanging off your every word, but if you show throughout the entire novel, your reader is going to be overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Telling between important scenes will move the story along faster, help transition the reader from scene to scene, and provide the reader with the information you want them to retain. 

I'm not saying it's easy, because it's not. I'm re-writing large portions of my manuscript to show not tell, and I can tell you now, it's exhausting, although, in the long run it'll be worth it. 

So don't stop telling, just show too. 

Image  by PeteLinforth via Pixabay